HEALTHY WAYS TO EXPRESS FEELINGS PT. 2

Before I dive into the real stuff, I have a funny story that I would like to share that connects with today’s subject of healthier ways to express feelings.

So, one of our dogs, Blue, has been having some stomach issues, and he was pooping a deadly funk in my daughter’s room at night. Last night, she didn’t want him to do it again so she let him sleep with the boys. LOL. Well, I was doing blog stuff and washing clothes until 2ish a.m. At 4:30 a.m., I was sound asleep in my bed, and, BAM, I was smacked in the face with some deadly, funky scent. I was appalled that Mike would drop stink bombs this deadly. I get up because I can’t handle the smell, and of course, it was Blue!!!!!!! He pooped in my bathroom. Confession: I was so exhausted, and my eyes weren’t seeing straight so I closed the bathroom door. (I also rubbed some essential oils on my nose so I could smother that smell.) EEK, I know…. poor decision. Let’s just say that Mike wasn’t thrilled when he walked into the bathroom at 6:30 a.m.

I wanted to share this story because it reminded me of LIFE. We think that it is easier to ignore the problem, close the door, and smother the ugliness with other distractions. Meanwhile, our marriage or relationships are in trouble. Hurt feelings, disappointments, unmet desires, and lack of intimacy are just a few things that we learn to ignore because we don’t know how to express our feelings or just scared of the response. Mike and I have experienced and still experience all of those feelings and emotions in our marriage. We are aware of it and don’t ignore the ugly, fowl smell that it lets off. But, we are still learning how to stay vulnerable and intimate despite the hurt feelings and disappointments.

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“When two people walk together in a relationship, there is never a question of whether or not they will experience conflict; the real question is: will they know what is at stake when conflict happens?” Danny Silk

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If you didn’t know, Mike and I have been married almost 2o years, and gosh, we have learned, failed and learned, failed some more. God has such a sense of humor when He puts two complete opposites together. Our differences have definitely caused us to grow in areas that we didn’t know were possible. Like parenting, we are all about learning and gleaning wisdom from others and from God, and hello, we read lots of books too. Dr. James Dobson wrote a great article, here, that gives 10 ways to help reduce conflict and encourage healthy communication.

We have the privilege to do pre-marital counseling with couples, and with each couple, the area that needs the most growth has definitely been conflict resolution. Hello, it is still our area that needs the most growth #noshame. I’m going to share a few ways that we implement into our marriage and other close relationships. (More tips and encouragement on how to express feelings in a healthy way can be found in these two great articles, here and here.)

Healthy ways to communicate:

• Take ownership of and be completely accountable for one’s own feelings, thoughts, attitudes and behaviors, without blame-shifting things on the other person. 
• Do not start a conversation with “You make me feel…”. It focuses you on the other person, taking focus off the person you are responsible for understanding, which is yourself.
•  Do not control the other person with sarcasm, rage, threats, manipulation, shame, jealousy or silence. 
•  Focus on resolving the issues and not attempt to make the other person in the relationship the problem. 
• Be responsive and not reactive when discussing issues or receiving feedback about one’s behavior. Reactiveness is the explosive knee-jerk.

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“If you love me, it is going to show up in the way you treat what I told you is important to me.” Danny Silk

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Well, that’s just a few things that we have learned along the way. We still have lots more to learn. Having an atmosphere of vulnerability and acceptance is key for our marriage and your marriage to continue to grow and to become what God intended.

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Hope that you enjoyed the dog poop lesson!!! LOL