Angelle Marix

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Hello, I’m Angelle the creator and author behind Dashing Darlin’. I’ve been married to my
best friend for over 18 years, and we are blessed with four amazing children. I am a wife and momma by day, and a blogger by night. It’s seriously a dream job!

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Feelings are God given. But, if we express our feelings in an offensive way, disconnect in our relationships is bound to happen. But, if we express feelings in a healthy way, the outcome in our relationships is unity, connection, and growth.

HEALTHY WAYS TO EXPRESS FEELINGS PT. 2

Before I dive into the real stuff, I have a funny story that I would like to share that connects with today’s subject of healthier ways to express feelings.

So, one of our dogs, Blue, has been having some stomach issues, and he was pooping a deadly funk in my daughter’s room at night. Last night, she didn’t want him to do it again so she let him sleep with the boys. LOL. Well, I was doing blog stuff and washing clothes until 2ish a.m. At 4:30 a.m., I was sound asleep in my bed, and, BAM, I was smacked in the face with some deadly, funky scent. I was appalled that Mike would drop stink bombs this deadly. I get up because I can’t handle the smell, and of course, it was Blue!!!!!!! He pooped in my bathroom. Confession: I was so exhausted, and my eyes weren’t seeing straight so I closed the bathroom door. (I also rubbed some essential oils on my nose so I could smother that smell.) EEK, I know…. poor decision. Let’s just say that Mike wasn’t thrilled when he walked into the bathroom at 6:30 a.m.

I wanted to share this story because it reminded me of LIFE. We think that it is easier to ignore the problem, close the door, and smother the ugliness with other distractions. Meanwhile, our marriage or relationships are in trouble. Hurt feelings, disappointments, unmet desires, and lack of intimacy are just a few things that we learn to ignore because we don’t know how to express our feelings or just scared of the response. Mike and I have experienced and still experience all of those feelings and emotions in our marriage. We are aware of it and don’t ignore the ugly, fowl smell that it lets off. But, we are still learning how to stay vulnerable and intimate despite the hurt feelings and disappointments.

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“When two people walk together in a relationship, there is never a question of whether or not they will experience conflict; the real question is: will they know what is at stake when conflict happens?” Danny Silk

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Feelings are God given. But, if we express our feelings in an offensive way, disconnect in our relationships is bound to happen. But, if we express feelings in a healthy way, the outcome in our relationships is unity, connection, and growth.

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If you didn’t know, Mike and I have been married almost 2o years, and gosh, we have learned, failed and learned, failed some more. God has such a sense of humor when He puts two complete opposites together. Our differences have definitely caused us to grow in areas that we didn’t know were possible. Like parenting, we are all about learning and gleaning wisdom from others and from God, and hello, we read lots of books too. Dr. James Dobson wrote a great article, here, that gives 10 ways to help reduce conflict and encourage healthy communication.

We have the privilege to do pre-marital counseling with couples, and with each couple, the area that needs the most growth has definitely been conflict resolution. Hello, it is still our area that needs the most growth #noshame. I’m going to share a few ways that we implement into our marriage and other close relationships. (More tips and encouragement on how to express feelings in a healthy way can be found in these two great articles, here and here.)

Healthy ways to communicate:

  • Take ownership of and be completely accountable for one’s own feelings, thoughts, attitudes and behaviors, without blame-shifting things on the other person. 
  • Do not start a conversation with “You make me feel…”. It focuses you on the other person, taking focus off the person you are responsible for understanding, which is yourself.
  •  Do not control the other person with sarcasm, rage, threats, manipulation, shame, jealousy or silence. 
  •  Focus on resolving the issues and not attempt to make the other person in the relationship the problem. 
  • Be responsive and not reactive when discussing issues or receiving feedback about one’s behavior. Reactiveness is the explosive knee-jerk.

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“If you love me, it is going to show up in the way you treat what I told you is important to me.” Danny Silk

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Feelings are God given. But, if we express our feelings in an offensive way, disconnect in our relationships is bound to happen. But, if we express feelings in a healthy way, the outcome in our relationships is unity, connection, and growth.Feelings are God given. But, if we express our feelings in an offensive way, disconnect in our relationships is bound to happen. But, if we express feelings in a healthy way, the outcome in our relationships is unity, connection, and growth.Feelings are God given. But, if we express our feelings in an offensive way, disconnect in our relationships is bound to happen. But, if we express feelings in a healthy way, the outcome in our relationships is unity, connection, and growth.

Well, that’s just a few things that we have learned along the way. We still have lots more to learn. Having an atmosphere of vulnerability and acceptance is key for our marriage and your marriage to continue to grow and to become what God intended.

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Hope that you enjoyed the dog poop lesson!!! LOL

Comments

  • cathy
    REPLY

    Cute photos, love all of your tips!!

    XOXO
    Cathy

    January 18, 2018
  • Molly Tullis
    REPLY

    This is so important to talk about. Thanks for sharing!

    January 18, 2018
  • Taylor Aube
    REPLY

    This post is so important! Thank you for sharing and being so honest. I know my husband and I struggle with communicating our emotions in a sane and healthy way!

    January 18, 2018
  • Tammy
    REPLY

    I love this so much. My hubby taught me how to communicate so well. I love just sitting with him and talking.

    January 18, 2018
  • Jessica Bradshaw
    REPLY

    This is so true! The way you talk to each other and express feelings is so indicative of your relationship. Love your photos girl

    January 18, 2018
  • Kerri
    REPLY

    You guys are so cute! Communication is big.

    January 18, 2018
  • Annette Dattilo
    REPLY

    Great post and tips. Congratulations on 20 yrs. My hubby and I will be celebrating our 20th this summer. 🙂

    January 18, 2018
  • Rachel trotter
    REPLY

    Such great advice. I loved the story at the beginning. So relatable!

    January 18, 2018
  • Shelby Back
    REPLY

    this post is such a good read! I love these tips!

    xo!
    Shelby

    January 18, 2018
  • Chaundra
    REPLY

    I absolutely agree with this! Ignoring things only plants seeds of discord and resentment! Communication really is so important in all of our relationships. I can not tell you how many times my husband and I have to stop and give our definition of a word because we are each defining it differently which makes a huge difference when trying to understand the other person’s perspective. Great tips and a reminders!

    January 18, 2018
  • Liz
    REPLY

    Aw thanks for sharing this post! Communication is so important in a relationship!

    Liz

    January 18, 2018
  • kate
    REPLY

    Great tips! And cute shots!

    January 18, 2018
  • Natalia Loren
    REPLY

    Love everything you brought up in this post. I completely understand the obstacles that arise in marriage esp when you put two opposites together (my hubby and I as well). Yet it’s the love, faith and these little reminders that get you through it. It’s going to be 9 years for me now and I can def. say those obstacles in the end made us stronger. Thsnks for sharing these tips with us and opening up abot something so personal.

    January 19, 2018
  • Megan
    REPLY

    Such good tips! I’ve been married almost 10 years and I think everyone still struggles with communication!

    Megan | http://www.pipmegan.com

    January 19, 2018
  • Holly Lasha
    REPLY

    Great ideas. It’s so important to be genuine and respectful in your feelings.

    January 19, 2018
  • Laura
    REPLY

    These are such great tips! My husband and I took a relationships, family, and marriage communication class in college (when we were just dating) and we learned many of the tips you shared.

    xo, Laura
    http://www.have-need-want.com

    January 20, 2018
  • Lindsay
    REPLY

    So many great tips! And wow 20 years – that is huge!! Congrats to you too!

    January 24, 2018

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